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Bitesize Jaz
Got a question? Just Ask Jaz.
Short, straight-talking answers to real questions about childhood, healing, resilience, education, belonging and being human.
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Welcome to #JustAskJaz - Start Here
Welcome to Just Ask Jaz - An Introduction
This is the place where I answer the questions people really ask me – the brave ones, the awkward ones, the deeply personal ones, the ones people sometimes wait until everybody else has left the room to ask.
Some are about my childhood. Some are about healing, confidence, self-doubt, work, relationships and what life looks like now. Some are about what we can change – in ourselves, in our schools, in our organisations and in the way we show up for other people.
I’ve delivered more than 3,000 keynotes, and I’ve never done one where somebody hasn’t come up to me afterwards and shared something personal. Sometimes it’s a leader telling me something they’ve never said out loud. Sometimes it’s a TA talking about someone they love. Sometimes it’s the person on tech who suddenly realises my story sounds a lot like somebody in their own family.
So I’m going to say to you what I say to them.
If something comes up for you while you’re watching these videos, this is a personal invitation from me to find someone you know and trust and talk to them. You are not alone.
You’ll see Content Alerts on some videos. They’re there to help you decide what feels right for you, and when. You can watch everything, dip in and out, skip around, come back later, or simply choose the question that has been quietly sitting in your own head.
The library is split into three parts:
On My Childhood
The past, the experiences that shaped me and what I wish adults had understood.
On How I’ve Healed
The present, what healing has looked like for me and how I live now.
On What We Can Change
The future, what we can learn, challenge and do differently.
And this collection will keep growing. People keep asking me questions, so I’ll keep answering them.
If you want to go deeper, my book Because of You, This Is Me holds much more of the story and the thinking behind it. I wrote it for people who have ever wondered whether the story they started with has to be the story they finish with.
And if something here helps you, makes you laugh, gives you language for something you’ve been carrying, or makes you see yourself differently, I’d love to hear from you. Find me on social media – I’m @JazAmpawFarr – and come and say hello.
Pick the question that pulls at you first.
Click the buttons below to explore the sections
On My Childhood
Questions about the past
On My Childhood - Start Here
This collection is about the past.
These are the questions people ask me about my childhood – what happened, how it felt, what I understood at the time, what I wish adults had noticed and what I would say to that younger version of me now.
Some of these answers contain difficult experiences, so you’ll see Content Alerts where they’re needed. Please use them. You get to decide what you watch and when you watch it.
There are things I can understand now that I couldn’t possibly have understood as a child. But I don’t want to tidy the past up until it becomes a nice, neat story. These are my honest answers to the questions people have asked me.
Take what is useful. Leave what isn’t. And look after yourself while you’re here.
How did you escape your old life?
CONTENT ALERT: I talk about childhood abuse, repeatedly trying to tell adults what was happening and what it felt like when I wasn’t believed.
If something comes up for you, please find someone you know and trust and talk to them. This story matters, and so do you. Choose when and whether this is the right video for you.
People sometimes ask me how I “escaped”, as though there was one door I walked through and everything changed. There wasn’t. I talk about getting physically safer, but also the much slower work of letting go of shame, secrecy and stories I had learned to carry about myself.
For you
Is there something you have been carrying as though it belongs to you? Are you ready to let go of it yet?
How did you heal from the abuse?
How did you heal from the abuse?
CONTENT ALERT: I talk about childhood sexual abuse, the shame I carried afterwards and trying to scrub myself clean with bleach and a floor brush.
If something comes up for you, please find someone you know and trust and talk to them. This story matters, and so do you. Choose when and whether this is the right video for you.
For a long time I thought healing meant fixing something that was broken in me. What changed was beginning to understand that the shame belonged to what had happened, not to who I was. I talk about therapy, reading, talking, relationships and the very unglamorous ongoing work of changing the story I believed about myself.
For you
What are you still blaming yourself for that was never yours to carry? Make today the day you decide you’re ready to forgive yourself.
If you could change one thing about your past, what would it be?
I talk about wishing I had grown up with parents who offered love, encouragement, boundaries and genuine interest in who I was becoming. I also share what parenting differently taught me about the confidence that grows when a child knows somebody has their back. Looking backwards helped me understand something I could choose to create going forwards.
For you
What did you need more of when you were younger and how could you give yourself or somebody else a little more of it now?
What advice would you give a younger you now?
CONTENT ALERT: I talk about childhood abuse, trying to disclose what was happening and repeatedly not being believed.
If something comes up for you, please find someone you know and trust and talk to them. This story matters, and so do you. Choose when and whether this is the right video for you.
I know exactly what I would tell younger me because I wrote it to her in my book – find someone you know and trust and keep trying to tell them. Adults can look busy, the words can disappear and a bad response can make trying again feel impossible. I wish no child had to be this persistent, but I want anyone who needs to hear it to know that one person failing to listen does not make what you are saying less true.
For you
When you need somebody to hear you, who feels like the safest person to try?
What could we have done to help you as a child?
When I look back, I keep coming to something surprisingly ordinary – relationships. An adult being available, interested and consistently on my side created a little pocket of safety where I could breathe and become more myself. Imagine what can happen when a child has not one person like that, but five, ten or twenty.
For you
Who made you feel that you mattered when you were younger – and who is experiencing that today because of you?
What happened after the police station?
CONTENT ALERT: I talk about suicidal feelings as a child, foster and residential care, neglect, violence, a knife threat, trying to protect my younger siblings and later giving evidence in court.
If something comes up for you, please find someone you know and trust and talk to them. This story matters, and so do you. Choose when and whether this is the right video for you.
People sometimes imagine that once somebody finally believes you, everything becomes safe. My story wasn’t like that. I talk about the messy years that followed and the adults in education who became steady points when almost everything else was moving.
For you
When life has felt chaotic, who or what has been one steady thing you could hold onto?
What was your turning point?
CONTENT ALERT: I talk about my brother’s death following a heroin overdose, grief and some of the difficult experiences we shared growing up.
If something comes up for you, please find someone you know and trust and talk to them. This story matters, and so do you. Choose when and whether this is the right video for you.
My brother’s death changed something fundamental in me. I had spent years hiding parts of my past because I was frightened of what people would think if they knew where I came from. Losing Paul made me ask what the point was of knowing there can be another way through if I was too scared to say so.
For you
What is something you have learned the hard way that could make somebody else’s road a little less lonely?
What would you say to your 8 year old self?
CONTENT ALERT: I talk about childhood abuse, disclosure, not being believed and discriminatory assumptions that were made about my family.
If something comes up for you, please find someone you know and trust and talk to them. This story matters, but so do you. Choose when and whether this is the right video for you.
I would tell eight-year-old me to find an adult she trusts and keep trying to tell them what is happening. But the older me is also furious that a child should ever need coaching in how to get an adult to notice, listen or believe them. Safeguarding systems matter enormously, but they still rely on human beings noticing what sits behind the words and behaviour in front of them.
For you
What message does your eight-year-old self need to hear? What small step can you take to be the adult you needed as a child?
When did your life change for the better?
This is one of my favourite stories because it involves Marie Claire magazine, a ridiculously romantic first date, Brighton at two in the morning and my favourite human – Ed. Meeting Ed changed what I thought was possible for my future, particularly around marriage, parenting and family. Sometimes a different life begins when somebody gives you enough safety to imagine one.
For you
What old ‘Should Story’ or limiting narrative from your past would you like to upgrade?
On How I've Healed
Questions about the present
On How I’ve Healed - Start Here
This collection is about the present – although I’m using that word fairly generously because I am definitely still a work in progress!
People often ask me how I healed, how I became confident, whether I still struggle, how I deal with self-doubt, what success means to me and how I built a life that feels very different from the one I started with.
Healing, for me, has never meant deleting the past. These answers are about what I’ve learned to do with it – the relationships, choices, stories, habits and sometimes very small acts of bravery that have helped me build the life I have now.
I’m not offering you a formula for becoming me. God help us all! I’m sharing what has helped me, in case something in it helps you understand yourself a little differently too.
Are you happy and fulfilled with your choices?
Yes. Also occasionally absolutely not. 😂 I talk about the strange truth that I can love my life, my work and my relationships while still wanting to grow, understand myself better and reach more people. Fulfilment, for me, has never meant being finished.
For you
How do you balance wanting more from yourself with being grateful for what you already have?
Do you still struggle today?
CONTENT ALERT: I talk about difficult childhood experiences, including being exposed to frightening and inappropriate adult behaviour, and how some memories resurfaced for me later as a parent.
If something comes up for you, please find someone you know and trust and talk to them. This story matters, and so do you. Choose when and whether this is the right video for you.
Healing did not arrive one Tuesday afternoon and permanently delete every difficult feeling I had ever had. Some stages of my life brought old memories closer again, particularly when my own children reached ages that were significant in my childhood. The difference now is that I have relationships, routines and strategies that stop those feelings from becoming the whole story.
For you
What helps you ground yourself in the present when dread or negative thoughts from the past suddenly feel very real?
How did you become so confident?
LOL! Here’s the not-so-secret secret: I’m not always confident. I’m very comfortable with things going wrong because I have collected years of evidence that I can pivot, reframe and go again. Falling over, forgetting things, technical disasters and the occasional spectacular failure have made me the seasoned chaos navigator you see before you today!
For you
What’s your strategy when you don’t know what to do?
How did you learn to love yourself?
Like a particular untalented three-year-old learning to play the violin – lots of painful and repeated practice! At one point I had three statements stuck to my mirror – I accept you, I love you, I forgive you – and some of them made me shout at the Post-it note. Over time, collecting better evidence about who I really was helped me replace an old story with one I could actually live inside.
For you
What is one good thing about yourself that you keep dismissing even though the evidence and data tell you it is true?
How do you become 10% braver?
Forgive me! To say this is my mantra, I lose it slightly and start rambling on about horses!
Basically, bravery becomes much more possible when we stop demanding gigantic leaps from ourselves. Being 10% Braver means taking one small step beyond what fear would normally allow, knowing that your 10% may look completely different from mine. Fear is allowed in the car – I just don’t want it choosing the destination.
For you
What could your life look like if you were just 10% braver? What’s your smallest first step?
How do you get over worrying about what people think of you?
On the one hand, other people having opinions about me is very inconvenient and distracting.
On the other, so what? Feel free to think whatever you like. Fortunately, I’m not responsible for your happiness!
As I’m only a pound shop Beyoncé look-alike and not as famous as the real deal, my life is only affected by other people’s views if I allow it. I have repeatedly found that their story about me has far less power than the story I tell myself about myself.
I talk about turning down the outside noise, upgrading old beliefs and, for reasons that make perfect sense in the video, a children’s book involving an assortment of unsuitable zoo animals.
For you
Whose opinion are you currently giving more authority over your life than your own?
How do you manage work-life balance?
CONTENT ALERT: I talk about a period when my mental health became very low, including suicidal feelings.
If something comes up for you, please find someone you know and trust and talk to them. This story matters, and so do you. Choose when and whether this is the right video for you.
I learned some of my biggest lessons about wellbeing by spectacularly failing to protect mine. Eventually, I realised that I am one of the most valuable resources in my own life, and continually running that resource into the ground is a terrible business plan. I talk about boundaries, saying no and making choices today that my future self is less likely to regret.
For you
What one thing would you like to start doing more of or stop doing so much of today?
How do you overcome self doubt?
I’m not convinced self-doubt needs to disappear before we can do brave things. Mine occasionally needs putting in a metaphorical jar at the back of the fridge behind the gherkins while I carry on with my life. I notice it, look at the actual evidence and try very hard not to let the most frightened part of me drive the bus.
For you
What do you say to a friend who is putting themselves down?
What do you say to yourself when you’re doing it?
What’s the difference in tone and language between the two?
What does success look like to you?
Awards are lovely. Money is really helpful if you want to do extravagant things like eat and wear clothes. A bigger house might be fabulous, particularly if somebody else is responsible for cleaning it. But when I think about success, I keep coming back to the things I believed were impossible for me to have: my marriage, my family, our hilarious stories, the people I love, and genuinely enjoying the life we have built together.
For you
What are the small and big wins in your life? How re you celebrating them?
On What We Can Change
Questions about the future
On What We Can Change - Start Here
This collection looks forwards.
These are the questions that move from “What happened?” and “How did you deal with it?” towards “So what can we do?”
They explore what I’ve learned about children, adults, behaviour, resilience, belonging, education, relationships and the stories we tell about ourselves and other people.
Because understanding something is useful. But eventually I want to know what we’re going to do with what we understand.
You won’t agree with everything I say. Good. I’m not trying to hand you a list of approved Jaz opinions. I want these answers to make you think, question, notice and perhaps become 10% braver about something you already know needs to change.
Are you glad your childhood gave you resilience?
CONTENT ALERT: I talk about childhood trauma, the fear I experienced when I first shared my story publicly and whether I would ever have chosen to erase what happened.
If something comes up for you, please find someone you know and trust and talk to them. This story matters, and so do you. Choose when and whether this is the right video for you.
This is a complicated question because I value many of the things I have learned without wanting to pretend trauma was some fabulous personal-development programme I was lucky to attend. Resilience did not magically repair the times I felt I did not belong. What changed was discovering that I could use what I had learned to help other people see the influence they have.
For you
What strength have you developed that deserves celebrating, without you having to be grateful for the thing that forced you to develop it?
Do you truly believe you get over the past or do you put it in a box?
I don’t believe we can simply shove difficult experiences into a mental cupboard, close the door and expect them to stay politely arranged forever. I use an extremely glamorous filing-cabinet metaphor to talk about the difference between burying something and processing it. My aim has never been to erase my past – it is to stop the past from deciding how I live today.
For you
What are you keeping packed away that might actually benefit from some understanding rather than a bigger and stronger box?
How did you find the strength to get through at such a young age?
CONTENT ALERT: I talk about being afraid for my life as a child, surviving one day at a time and feeling responsible for my younger siblings.
If something comes up for you, please find someone you know and trust and talk to them. This story matters, and so do you. Choose when and whether this is the right video for you.
When people look backwards and call me strong or resilient, I understand why, but that is not how it felt from inside the experience. A lot of the time, I was simply surviving until I could get somewhere that felt safer. Looking back, I can see things in me that helped, but I can also see very clearly that I did not do it alone.
For you
Who are your everyday heroes? Who helped you carry something before you were strong enough to carry it for yourself?
How do we cope with the kids who refuse to learn?
I’m not particularly interested in teaching adults how to “cope with” children. I want us to get curious about what sits behind the front and ask what might make vulnerability, effort or learning feel unsafe in the first place. Children do not arrive at school with equal starting points, equal resources or equal control over what happened before they walked through the gate.
For you
How easy do you find it to swap judgement for curiosity when you’re under pressure? What would make it easier?
How do you break the barrier between believing and not believing yourself?
I picture self-belief as a set of old-fashioned balance scales. One enormous lead weight saying “you can’t” can dominate for years, but enough feathers of new evidence can eventually start moving the balance. Relationships, conversations, learning, therapy, encouragement and doing things you once thought you couldn’t all count.
For you
What is one feather of evidence that says the old story about you might not be completely true?
How do you convince adults that punishment isn't the way?
I think “what’s behind the front?” works with adults too. If somebody is deeply committed to punishment, that belief came from somewhere, and understanding it gives us a better chance of creating change without pretending harmful behaviour is acceptable. I also ask one of my favourite questions – if the same child behaves completely differently with one particular adult, what is happening in that relationship that the rest of us could learn from?
For you
How supported do you feel at work and at home> What needs to change for that to improve?
How do you know you're good enough?
Compared to what? What gold standard human am I supposed to be measured against? That is the bit I want to interrogate. We can carry “I’m not good enough” around like it is an objective fact when it may actually be a story built from comparison-itis and things other people taught us to believe.
For you
Where are you comparing your backstage with someone else’s front stage?
Clue: It’s probably social media!
What gave you the strength to carry on?
CONTENT ALERT: I talk about childhood abuse, racism within my family and times when I wanted everything to end.
If something comes up for you, please find someone you know and trust and talk to them. This story matters, and so do you. Choose when and whether this is the right video for you.
There were times when believing in myself required more energy than I had. The extraordinary thing was that other people kept believing on my behalf – like those irritating birthday candles you blow out and they light themselves again. Eventually, enough borrowed hope, love and encouragement stayed lit for me to start carrying some of it myself.
For you
If your own hope feels a bit low right now, whose belief in you could you borrow for a while?
What does success look like to you?
CONTENT ALERT: I talk about my brother’s death following a heroin overdose, childhood abuse and growing up believing I might not survive.
If something comes up for you, please find someone you know and trust and talk to them. This story matters, and so do you. Choose when and whether this is the right video for you.
I used to think there should be one dramatic turning point where everything before it was terrible and everything afterwards was fabulous. Real life was much messier. My brother’s death became one of the biggest shifts because it made me confront how much of my story I was still hiding and ask what I could do with everything I had learned.
For you
Maybe you don’t need one huge turning point. What is one decision you could make now that your future self might one day recognise as the beginning of something?
#JustAskJaz - You Made It!
WOW! Thanks so much for watching.
WOW! Thanks so much for watching.
Whether you watched every single video or jumped around and followed the questions that pulled you in, thank you for spending this time with me.
I hope somewhere amongst all those questions there was something that made you laugh, think, feel seen, challenge an old story or look at another human being a little differently.
And remember, Just Ask Jaz isn’t finished. As long as people keep asking me questions, I’ll keep answering them. So maybe the next question will be yours.
If you want to come back, share Just Ask Jaz with somebody else, or see the latest questions I’ve added, you’ll always find the free collection here:
https://jazampawfarr.com/justaskjaz/
And if these conversations have got you thinking, you might be ready to go deeper with my Belonging & Mattering Library. That’s where we move into more of the how – how we build schools, organisations, teams, relationships and cultures where people experience belonging, know that they matter and have what they need to flourish.
But for now, thank you.
For watching. For thinking. For being curious.
And maybe for being just a little bit 10% braver than you were when you arrived.
Jaz makes audiences laugh, cry and leave on a high.
Shift mindsets and create measurable impact with one of the most sought after international female motivational speakers.
More than an inspirational speaker, Jaz is a force of nature who empowers and inspires people to take action.
See Jaz’s keynote themes
Three Time Winner Of Speaker Of The Year
30 Years Experience, 3000+ Keynotes Delivered Worldwide
Record Breaking TEDx Talk With Over 170K Views
Just Ask Jaz
Jaz always leaves space for people to ask anonymous questions after a keynote. These could be about her keynote, her topics or just life in general. There’s always a few questions that pop up after every event.
Jaz has pulled out the most common questions and responded in a series of videos.
If you have a question for Jaz simply drop her message on her socials and she will answer with a video for you!